


The Chasm Between Us

by Kyuubiluver342



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Let Sakamoto Ryuji Say Fuck, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:07:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22873729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyuubiluver342/pseuds/Kyuubiluver342
Summary: Ryuji knows there is something wrong with his Persona. Captain Kidd isn't listening to him, won't follow his orders and attacked him! Could Personas act that way to their users? And why did Kidd seem so focused on Akira?
Relationships: Arsene/Captain Kidd (Persona Series), Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji, Persona 5 Protagonist/Sakamoto Ryuji
Comments: 3
Kudos: 390





	The Chasm Between Us

Ryuji was scared. He was scared and nervous and annoyed and a lot of emotions he didn’t have the words to describe, but they are all jumbled inside his head, making it hard to concentrate at school, at home, hell even in the Metaverse! More than once over the last few days, he had completely messed up while fighting and his team was getting annoyed with him, but he didn’t know what to do. How did he explain to his team that he was scared, uneasy and nervous and it’s all because of his own Persona?

He noticed it randomly one day, that his Persona tended to linger longer than the others. All the other personas would attack and then disappeared right away, but Captain Kidd? He stuck around and Ryuji always got the feeling he was waiting for something, waiting for something more, something that Ryuji needed to give him, but Ryuji wasn’t sure what it was and it was driving him nuts.

He could feel his persona’s impatience and anger like it was his own (which, he guessed it was?) and he had no idea what to do. He couldn’t exactly ask either, he didn’t want the others to think he was losing control or something like that. He was still fine, everything was fine, his persona was just acting weird, that’s all!

“Skull! Focus!” Morgana yelled.

Ryuji came back to himself just in time to sidestep a punch. He hit the shadow in the head with his pipe and the shadow cried out in pain.

“Pay attention, Skull!” Ann yelled angrily as she called Carmen forth.

He huffed as she took one shadow out with her fire.

“I know, I know!” he snapped.

Another shadow stepped forward and he scowled.

“Let’s go, Captain Kidd!” Ryuji yelled.

Kidd came forth and let out an attack that even Ryuji was shocked by the power of. He could taste the electricity in the air afterwards and there was a moment where that fear spiked. The shadows stood no chance, they were completely destroyed and as Joker moved closer to gather what they dropped, Ryuji distinctly noticed that Kidd was still there.

“Um, Skull? You can tell Kidd to leave now.” Ann stated, looking confused.

Ryuji nodded and turned towards Kidd, trying to call him back. Kidd just continued to float there, staring down at Ryuji with his single eye and Ryuji swallowed hard.

“Captain Kidd, you can go now. The fight is over.” Ryuji said.

Yet, Kidd lingered. When Ryuji tried to call him back mentally, Kidd resisted and Ryuji was startled by how strong Kidd was fighting back. Ryuji’s forehead broke out in a sweat as Kidd continued to draw on his energy.

“Skull?” Noir called.

There was a hint of panic in her voice and Ryuji turned to her, ready to assure her that everything was fine when he felt something press against the back of his head.

“SKULL!” Queen screamed.

He turned to see Kidd pointing his canon at his face. His eyes stopped on the canon before darting up to Kidd’s face. Their eyes locked and for the first time, Ryuji understood why Kidd was so upset.

“Weak.” Kidd’s voice hissed.

Ryuji’s eyes widened, a flash of hurt ripping through him before he was tackled. He heard Ann call Carmen forward and yelled as Kidd was struck by her attack. Kidd vanished, but the pain lingered and Ryuji pressed close to the person holding him.

“Skull, are you alright?” Joker asked.

Ryuji looked up to see Akira holding him close, almost protectively. He shivered and shook, mind unable to accept what had just happened. His persona, his own persona, had just nearly blown the head from his shoulders.

“What just happened?” Yusuke asked, confused.

They looked towards Morgana, but he looked just as baffled. Realizing all eyes were on him, he flinched.

“Hey, don’t look at me! I’ve never seen that before!” Morgana yelped.

Ryuji shuddered and Akira pulled him closer, but his eyes were narrowed.

“Let’s stop for today.” he declared and everyone agreed as Morgana transformed into the Monamobile and they climbed inside.

Ryuji stood up, pushing himself out of Akira’s arms, but his legs were shaking and he scowled. Straightening his spine, he climbed in, but curled up in the farthest back corner of the mobile and crossed his arms. He ignored the scared and concerned looks that his team shot him. When they arrived at the station, he hopped out of the mobile and all, but sprinted for the exit. He ignored his team yelling for him to come back, but he just couldn’t have that conversation right now. He burst free of the Metaverse and took off for home.

He raced to the train station, managed to slide on the train just before the doors closed and sat down in the first empty seat he could find. He pulled his hood up and hunched over, looking like the delinquent people thought he was to make people leave him alone. His good leg tapped impatiently as he rode the train, hoping his team would take the hint and leave him alone. His phone buzzed, no such luck.

He had messages ranging from Akira’s ever calm ‘hey’ to Yusuke more erratic, and slightly confusing, artistic interpretation of why Kidd wanted to kill him (something about the internal struggle between an artist and his muse? Ryuji really didn’t get it). He ignored them all. When he got home, he was thankful when he remembered his ma was pulling a double tonight. He slammed the door shut behind him and let out the breath he had no idea he was holding.

“What… was that?” Ryuji demanded.

He waited to hear Kidd’s voice. Kidd had never been the most talkative persona, in fact, Ryuji could count on one hand the number of times Kidd had bothered to talk to him. Akira had once said that all his personas talked to him so much, he often got headaches. Ann mentioned Carmen would only talk if it was something she was interested in, like fashion or love where as Yusuke stated that his persona and he would have long, drawn out discussions about art. Ryuji had always assumed that, since their personas were their true selves, that Kidd being quiet called back to Ryuji being rather quiet himself when he was younger.

Now, he was wishing he had bothered to try and talk to him more. Kidd was silent and Ryuji grit his teeth.

“You almost killed me today! Killed us! Why!” Ryuji demanded loudly.

Kidd once again was quiet and Ryuji tugged at his hair. He didn’t understand. He could feel Kidd’s anger, his impatience, but why? What had Ryuji done wrong? He sighed and sat down on the couch, closing his eyes.

“Just tell me what I can do to fix this.” Ryuji whispered.

He didn’t expect a reply, maybe that’s why he jumped so much when Kidd actually did.

_ “You are weak.” _ he growled angrily.

Ryuji’s eyes snapped open.

“The hell does that mean!” Ryuji snarled.

Of course, shit couldn’t be that easy because just then, his phone rang. He glanced down to see Akira calling him and Ryuji whined, but answered anyway.

“Hey.” Akira said gently.

Ryuji hated that his heart started to beat faster. He tried to ignore it, he wasn’t supposed to feel that way when Akira spoke to him. They were just friends, sure friends doing illegal shit together, but still, just friends! And Ryuji was straight, damnit! He liked girls! Boobs, butts, vaginas, the whole nine yards! There was a hiss inside his head and he had to wonder.

“Hey.” Ryuji muttered back.

Akira was quiet for a long time, probably waiting for Ryuji to start the conversation before he sighed.

“Are you ok?” Akira asked.

Well shit, if that wasn’t a loaded question.

“Yes?” Ryuji trailed off and rubbed his eyes.

“No? I honestly have no idea.” Ryuji admitted.

His hands were still shaking he noticed. He clenched them to get some control back.

“I’m not sure what happened.” Ryuji said softly.

“I know. None of us do. Morgana has no ideas and I’m honestly at a loss.” Akira sighed.

“That really, really doesn’t make me feel better, dude.” Ryuji muttered.

“I’m sorry. I wish I had the answers.” Akira sounded frustrated and Ryuji hated that he was causing their leader some problems.

“It’s fine. I’m sure it was a one-time thing. Maybe Kidd got confused or something!” Ryuji could honestly say, he was lying through his teeth.

Kidd hadn’t been confused, Ryuji would have felt if he was confused. Kidd had targeted him on purpose. Kidd had wanted to kill him.

“Perhaps.” Akira replied.

They were quiet for a while.

“I’m glad you are ok, though. I was so worried when I turned around.” Akira said and Ryuji felt a flutter in his chest.

He shoved that feeling down, down as far as it could go. Another low growl ripped through his head and he hissed a bit, pressing his fingers to his temples. Kidd was so angry, Ryuji could taste his rage on his tongue.

“Ryuji?” Akira called.

“Sorry, just a headache.” Ryuji said quickly.

_ “Stop lying.”  _ Kidd demanded and Ryuji winced.

“Ryuji, are you sure you are ok? Do you need me to stop by?” Akira asked, his concern heavy in his voice.

“No! No, I swear, dude, I’m fine!” Ryuji said quickly.

Akira could absolutely not come over! Ryuji was starting to get the feeling that Kidd had a bone to pick with Akira and that was really concerning. Why would Kidd attack him if he had an issue with Akira? Why did he have an issue with Akira period! Akira had practically saved his life, given him meaning and hope again. Ryuji scowled.

“Ryuji, are you sure you are going to be ok? I mean, your ma is working a double tonight, correct? Are you sure you want to be alone?” Akira pushed.

Ryuji would have said yes any other time, would have jumped on the chance to have his best friend here, but he could feel Kidd’s anger spike and he winced.

“N-Nope! All good here! Yawn, oh wow is that the time? Man, I am beat! See you tomorrow!” Ryuji hung up quickly and then sighed.

A quick glance at the clock told him it was only 7 and he groaned. Great, just great. Now what was he supposed to do?

Akira winced as Ryuji hung up the phone quickly before pulling it away from his ear.

“Good night.” he mumbled to no one.

He placed his phone on his lap and sighed, leaning against the window to his attic room. The sun was just barely starting to set, so he knew Ryuji wasn’t going to bed any time soon. They hadn’t even been in Mementos long enough for anyone to be tired.

He closed his eyes briefly and his mind flashed back to that scene. He remembered hearing someone scream (Ann? Haru? He wasn’t sure) causing him to turn around. He saw Kidd and there was a moment where he was confused. Were they being ambushed? Was there a shadow they had missed? Why was Kidd still out? And then he saw the canon, pointed at Ryuji’s face, the barrel glowing, as if about to fire.

Ryuji’s persona was attacking him. Ryuji’s persona had lost its mind and was attacking him! Akira’s mind flashed to at least four personas in his arsenal that could take Kidd down, but his body was already moving. He tackled Ryuji out of the way and covered him with his own body, fully ready to take the blast when Ann stepped in.

Kidd had screamed and Ryuji had cried out and Akira knew then and there that Kidd hadn’t somehow separated himself from Ryuji or gone rogue, Kidd was still attached to Ryuji and yet, still willing to kill his host. Akira shivered. The worst feeling was seeing Ryuji bolt from Mementos and disappear before Akira had a chance to see he was ok. He had attempted to text him, as did everyone else, but no reply. Akira and Morgana had talked about all the way home, but Morgana had no ideas and Akira couldn’t figure out what would have caused such a reaction either.

“There’s one person who might know.” Akira muttered.

He just hoped tonight was one of the nights Igor agreed to meet with him. If not, he wasn’t sure when the next time he was going to be able to get near a Velvet Room door was. Unfortunately for him, it was still too early to go to bed and he was still pretty wired from Mementos to really settle down. Morgana had said something about wandering around and left, leaving Akira all on his own. Well, not really.

_ “Is something wrong, mon cher?”  _ Arsene asked.

“You could say that. You saw what happened with Ryuji and Kidd today, right?” Akira muttered.

Arsene hummed lightly. The other personas were quiet, as they always were when Arsene decided to step in. It seems many of them still feared him and for good reason. Arsene often cut through the personas whining and chaos to give Akira some peace and quiet.

_ “I did. Quite the show, was it not?” _ Arsene chuckled.

Akira frowned.

“I don’t find it funny. He could have killed Ryuji.” Akira said coldly.

_ “Hm, would he?” _ Arsene said amused.

Sometimes, Akira hated it that Arsene found chaos so amusing.

“Do you know why he wanted to do that?” Akira demanded.

Arsene was a persona after all. Maybe he had some insight. He could almost vision Arsene tapping his chin with his claw.

_ “Personas think and feel the same way their hosts do. When their host is, say, trying to hide something, the Persona will often react badly. We are the truest part of our host and we can only accept our host being true to themselves as well. Many of us, myself included, can’t stand lies of any kind.”  _ Arsene explained.

Akira frowned.

“So Kidd reacted that way because Ryuji is hiding something?” Akira asked.

He couldn’t imagine what could be so bad that Ryuji’s persona would kill him over it, but if that was the truth, and Akira was starting to believe it was, he would just have to sit Ryuji down and get him to confess. Akira eyed the sky outside and noted quite a bit of time had passed. He got up, got changed and settled down for bed. Sadly, Igor did not appear in his dreams that night.

The next day, Akira waited at the entrance of the school for Ryuji to show up. The others had wanted to wait with him too, but he asked them to go on ahead, he even handed Morgana off to Ann. He knew Ryuji and knew Ryuji would only talk to him if it was one on one. As the clock got closer and closer to the start of class, Akira was worried Ryuji might not come to school at all, but Ryuji appeared just in time, booking it towards the entrance.

“Can’t talk! Gonna be late!” Ryuji yelled, rushing past him.

Akira sighed. He would have to talk to him at lunch. Akira rushed to class, managing to get there just in time. He still got a nasty glare, but ignored it. At lunch, Ryuji was nowhere to be found, but Akira knew his best friend pretty well and found him hiding behind the gym.

“Yo.” Akira called.

Ryuji jumped and looked at Akira with wide eyes. 

“O-Oh! Hey!” Ryuji said nervously.

He winced a bit and rubbed the back of his neck.

“How are you doing?” Akira asked.

Ryuji sighed.

“I’m fine, dude, remember? Like I said, it’s a one-time thing.” Ryuji huffed, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Akira frowned, but shook it off.

“Want to work out today after school?” Akira asked.

Ryuji beamed, looking delighted, and agreed quickly. They walked back to class, but Ryuji seemed distracted. Sometimes, he would stare off into space and scowl, as if something annoyed him.

“Everything ok?” Akira asked, gently placing a hand on Ryuji’s shoulder.

He had done it a million times before and never had a problem, but suddenly, Ryuji jerked violently and squeezed his eyes shut. Akira yanked his hand back with wide eyes.

“Ryuji?” Akira called concerned.

“S-Sorry!” Ryuji mumbled before running off.

His head was throbbing, his ears were still ringing and Ryuji could have sworn he could see Kidd in his mind’s eye.

“What the fuck was that!” he hissed under his breath.

The second Akira had touched him, Kidd had screamed like he was dying and Ryuji had never heard such a pained sound. Kidd said nothing and Ryuji almost tore his hair out.

“If you have a problem with Akira, just say it!” Ryuji demanded harshly.

Again, nothing. Ryuji got to class and sat down, but his mind was miles away. Kidd was his true self, which meant what? That he had some sort of issue with Akira? Is that why he was acting out? He struggled to find a reason why this would be happening. He was so out of it, he almost missed the last bell. He got up from his desk and grabbed his stuff before heading to his spot by the stairs.

He waited for Akira to show up, leaning against the wall and watching the rest of the school population head out for the day. He found himself feeling impatient as time passed. Maybe Akira had waited to meet him at the gym? Maybe he should stop by Akira’s classroom? He looked up when he heard laughter and saw Akira walking his way, Mishima by his side. Something vile curled inside his chest when Akira placed a hand on Mishima’s shoulder.

“Hey guys!” Ryuji said waving.

Mishima and Akira looked up. Mishima said something quickly and then walked off, making Ryuji blink. Huh, and here he thought Mishima might like him. Guess not. Akira walked over and smiled.

“Ready to go?” he asked gently.

Ryuji nodded and they headed out. It was nice enough outside that they walked to the gym before heading inside. As they entered the locker room, Ryuji was suddenly reminded that, underneath Akira’s clothes, he was very fit. Ryuji peeked at Akira’s arms and could hear Kidd hissing in the back of his mind. His heart skipped a beat and he quickly looked away, changing as fast as he could to get out of there and not have to confront the weird feelings that were blossoming in his chest.

Of course, in the main gym, he had an even worse time. Seeing how fit Akira actually was made his pulse quicken. Akira wasn’t overly muscular, he was more of an athletic kind of fit, but Ryuji could say he wore it well. Ryuji had always had a thing for fit girls, did that continue to guys as well? He wondered, suddenly, what Akira thought of him. He stopped that train of thought immediately. What did he care what Akira thought of him? They were both guys! It was wrong! Being gay and being attracted to his best friend was wrong! 

And yet, Ryuji glanced at his own body and found himself… lacking. He had never been a big, muscular guy, but doing track had given him some muscle. That had faded away after his leg was shattered, but he was slowly starting to get it back.

Ryuji sighed as he sat on the bench afterwards. His leg throbbed and there was some small part of him that wished he could cut it off. Having no leg had to be better than having a damaged one. Akira sat next to him and handed over a water bottle.

“Is your leg ok?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, it hurts, but it’ll be fine.” Ryuji said before taking a swing.

“Just take it easy. We don’t have any Palaces to worry about right now.” Akira said leaning back.

Ryuji hummed, leaning back as well, their fingers slightly touching just enough for Kidd to scream again and Ryuji jumped so bad the water in his hand spilled all over both of them and Ryuji was left staring, wide eyed, at the mess he had just made.

“Oh my god, dude, I am so…” Ryuji trailed off when his eyes landed on Akira, and oh fuck, now he understood the appeal of wet t-shirt contests.

All the blood from his face rushed south as Ryuji got a bit light headed.

“It’s ok, just a little water.” Akira said as he stood up.

He pulled off his wet, white shirt and Ryuji choked. Oh, hell no! Ryuji shot up from the bench and turned around and honestly, it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen other guys naked. Hello, he was on a track team, but fuck, Akira blew all those guys out of the water without even trying.

“Ryuji, are you ok?” Akira asked and Ryuji nodded quickly.

“Yes! Yeah, fine man, just gonna get… a towel! Right, right, for the water! On the floor! Be right back!” Ryuji took off and Akira frowned before looking down at the towel Ryuji had left on the bench with confusion.

As Akira and Ryuji left the gym, they walked over to get some food, Akira decided to strike. He had been thinking about it all day, what he was going to say to Ryuji, but he just couldn’t get the words right. They all got jumbled around in his head and he was starting to get a headache from overthinking it. Maybe just saying it would be best.

“So, Ryuji. Is there anything you’re worried about?” Akira asked as they sat down.

Ryuji glanced at him, confused.

“I mean finals are around the corner, so that’s kind of concerning…?” Ryuji said slowly.

Akira rolled his eyes. Everyone knew that Ryuji didn’t care about finals. He was trying to distract them.

“Ryuji.” Akira said sternly.

Ryuji glanced at him and Akira could have shown he saw a faint blush on his cheeks. Ryuji rubbed the back of his neck.

“It’s Kidd.” he said in a rush.

Akira raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I kind of got that part.” Akira said gently.

Ryuji swallowed.

“He’s… angry.” Ryuji continued.

Akira tilted his head to the side.

“Any ideas on what he’s angry about?” Akira asked.

Ryuji glanced at him and then looked down.

“I think… he’s angry at you.” Ryuji mumbled.

Akira’s brow furled.

“Me?” Akira trailed off.

Ryuji nodded.

“He screamed when you put your hand on my shoulder at school. He’s been lashing out since Mementos.” Ryuji admitted.

Akira didn’t know why, but he felt hurt.

“I see. Do you think it would be best for us to not hang out together then?” Akira asked.

“NO!” Ryuji yelled loudly, jumping to his feet.

Akira blinked, startled. Ryuji flushed brightly and quickly sat down with a cough.

“No, no, I mean, he’s just going to have to get over it.” Ryuji said quietly.

“But I don’t want him to cause you pain.” Akira frowned.

“Well, you’re my best friend and I am not going to stop hanging out with you because he has an issue.” Ryuji said fiercely.

Akira hummed and leaned back in his seat. Kidd had a problem with him, which meant Ryuji had a problem with him. He had no idea how to feel about that, but just then, Arsene’s voice cut through his mind.

_ “Captain, oh Captain, what causes you so much pain?”  _ Arsene purred.

Akira paused.

“Pain?” Akira muttered.

“Huh?” Ryuji said.

Akira blinked.

“Arsene. He said Kidd is in pain.” Akira stated.

“Pain? I don’t understand.” Ryuji admitted.

Akira hummed.

_ “Like a fish longing to return to the sea.”  _ Arsene whispered.

“He’s in pain because he wants to go somewhere?” Akira mumbled.

Ryuji leaned in.

“But where? I can’t think of any place he would want to go.” Ryuji stated.

Akira stared at the ceiling as their food was finally served. Ryuji dug into his with gusto and Akira found himself smiling softly.

_ “Have you figured it out yet?”  _ Arsene asked.

“I haven’t even figured out what the problem is yet.” Akira grumbled.

It was times like these where Akira wished Arsene was more straightforward. Arsene chuckled and an invisible hand was placed on Akira’s shoulder.

_ “Tell me, mon cher, when you look at him, how do you feel?”  _ Arsene asked.

Akira glanced at Ryuji and his heart felt warm.

_ “Think of how you feel when you are apart.” _ Arsene continued.

Akira’s heart dropped.

_ “Now, imagine the feeling of being apart, but physically, always together. A chasm between you and him that you can’t seem to cross.” _ Arsene stated.

Akira was starting to understand what Arsene was saying. But what did it mean? Akira stared at Ryuji and thought about all the times they had worked together, just the two of them. The warmth in Akira’s chest blossomed and he found himself smiling.

“Dude, is the ramen that good?” Ryuji asked confused.

Akira came back to himself and hummed.

“Ryuji, do you want to go out this Saturday? Just the two of us?” Akira asked as he grabbed his chopsticks.

Ryuji paused, noodles hanging from his mouth before he slurped them up.

“Yeah sure, where do you want to go? Arcade? Movies?” Ryuji asked.

Ryuji didn’t seem to get what Akira was hinting at.

“Ryuji, I want to make this clear. I’m asking you out on a date.” Akira stated.

Ryuji choked and Akira thought about patting him on the back to help, but he remembered that Ryuji said physical touch made Kidd react badly, so he just handed him some water. When Ryuji finally got his food unstuck, Akira couldn’t tell if his blush was from nearly choking or something else.

“A-A-A date?” Ryuji stuttered.

“Yes, a date.” Akira replied.

Yet, his heart was pounding and he could feel the flush on his own cheeks. Asking other people out had never felt like this before. Ryuji stared at him, eyes wide before he got up.

“Ryuji?” Akira said startled.

“I’m sorry! I-I have to go!” Ryuji left and Akira stared after him, feeling the hurt rip through his heart. 

Had he read the signs wrong? Had he overstepped himself?

_ “Patience, mon cher. Our little Captain just needs some time.” _ Arsene said.

Akira paused. Our?

Ryuji was once again, running away, how ironic. He booked it to the station, breathing hard. He got on the train and sat down, staring at the floor. A date. Akira had asked him on a date… and he had run away!. He grabbed his hair and pulled. How fucking stupid could he be! Kidd hissed again and Ryuji just about tore his hair out.

“You shut up! You fucking started this mess!” Ryuji hissed.

Kidd hissed again.

_ “You ruined it.”  _ Kidd replied.

Ryuji paused, staring at the ground. Ruined it? Ruined what?

_ “Everything!” _ Kidd roared.

Ryuji squeezed his eyes shut. Kidd was in pain, he could feel it in his very bones. Kidd was upset, angry, but mostly, he was in pain. Why? Why was he in pain? Ryuji opened his eyes, found tears in them and choked a bit. He thought of Akira, the way his face went from hopeful to hurt and his heart felt like it was breaking. Kidd was still screaming and Ryuji just barely held it together enough to get off the train.

Walking home, Ryuji let the tears flow. His heart was breaking, but this was wrong, wasn’t it? He got home, closed the door and curled up on the floor. He curled up as tight as he could, just like when he was little. Yes, little, back when his father was still around, back when he was a raging alcoholic, spewing his poisonous words. Ryuji bit his lip.

His father had been horribly homophobic, telling Ryuji over and over that being gay was wrong, that liking other guys was disgusting. Ryuji remembered the day he had told his father how much he loved his best friend, another boy who lived in their apartment building. The look on his face had been one of absolute rage. Ryuji had never been so scared.

He woke up on the floor of the bathroom later, his Ma cleaning his face. He never spoke to that boy again afterwards. Ryuji whimpered and curled up tighter. He could still hear his voice, his drunken slurring words.

_ “Disgusting freak! Nasty, fucking faggot!”  _ his father’s voice roared.

Ryuji covered his ears, as if to make it stop. He wasn’t a freak! There wasn’t something wrong with him! He was normal, he was perfectly normal! Yet, the roaring in his ears didn’t stop and he just wanted it to stop!

“I’m not a freak!” Ryuji screamed.

“Ryuji?” Ryuji’s head snapped up and he looked at the door behind him.

That was Akira’s voice, wasn’t it? A knock came to the door and Ryuji jumped up. A quick peek showed him that Akira stood on the other side.

“Ryuji, it’s Akira. Can I come in?” Akira called.

Ryuji bit his lip and pressed his head against the door. Another knock came.

“Ryuji please?” Akira begged.

Ryuji let out a sharp breath and opened the door. They stared at each other before Akira smiled.

“Can I come in? I think… we need to talk.” Akira stated.

Ryuji nodded and held the door open. After Akira walked in, he closed it softly, but continued to stand there. 

“Ryuji.” Ryuji glanced at him to see him sitting on the couch.

“I’m sorry.” Ryuji muttered without moving.

Akira patted the cushion next to him and Ryuji let out a breath. He walked over and sat down. 

“You don’t have to apologize. I guess I should have expected that.” Akira said gently.

Ryuji rubbed the back of his neck before looking at Akira.

“So, what does this mean?” Ryuji asked.

It felt like a stupid question. He had reacted badly, he had run away from Akira! Again! Akira smiled.

“Ryuji, how do you feel about me?” Akira asked.

Ryuji opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it and then looked away.

“I don’t know.” he finally admitted.

Ryuji winced when Akira’s smile dropped a bit. He panicked.

“I mean, you’re my best friend, but you also saved me, you know? Like I had nothing before I met you! Everything I had was taken away and then you came along and showed me that other world and now I feel like I could be anything!” Ryuji said in a rush.

The words came flooding out. Ryuji couldn’t stop them if he wanted to.

“I mean, you just gave me so much to live for and you are kind to me! You treat me like I’m important and I’ve never felt that way before, even when I was the track star, and I really like it and I think I really like you, but that’s weird and wrong and gay and I can’t be gay because if I’m gay, then that makes me even more of a freak because I still like girls, but if I also like guys, that’s just wrong and I!” Ryuji was cut off when Akira placed his hands on Ryuji’s.

Ryuji tensed, waiting for Kidd to react, but instead, Kidd seemed… calm. In fact, Kidd seemed calmer than he had the day Ryuji tore his mask off for the first time. Ryuji looked at Akira and Akira was smiling again. It was so warm that Ryuji melted.

“You are not a freak, Ryuji. If anything, you are probably bisexual. That’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Akira said.

Ryuji turned away, but Akira’ cupped his cheek and moved his head back. Ryuji flushed.

“I know it’s scary and you’re upset, but I promise you, there is nothing wrong with you.” Akira whispered.

Ryuji stared at him.

“Even though… I think I might be in love with you?” Ryuji asked slowly.

Akira leaned in and pressed their foreheads together.

“If that’s wrong, then I guess I’ll just add it to my list, next to being a criminal.” Akira said.

Ryuji stared at him before he leaned in and pecked Akira on the lips. He didn’t even think about it before he did it. He just went for it. Akira seemed startled and then just as easily kissed back and it was like the anchor on his chest lifted. He could breathe again. They pulled back and Ryuji smiled. It was probably extremely stupid looking, but he just felt so alive, so happy.

_ “About damn time.”  _ Kidd snarled.

Ryuji blinked, startled to hear his voice.

“Wait, are you telling me you nearly blew my head off because you wanted me to kiss Akira?” Ryuji demanded.

Akira blinked at him, confused before realization crossed his face and Akira snorted. He was giggling so hard, he buried his face in Ryuji’s neck.

“Stop laughing, you! My persona nearly blew my head off!” Ryuji demanded.

“He nearly blew your head off because you were in a gay panic?” Akira said between giggles.

Ryuji shoved him away and Akira fell on the floor. He was still laughing and Ryuji scowled.

“Asshole.” he said.

Akira opened his eyes and hummed. It had been days since then. Things had changed and yet, stayed the same. Ryuji was curled up against him, snoring lightly. They were taking it slow still, one day at a time. Sometimes, Ryuji still got upset or nervous, but Akira was slowly breaking down those walls. A chuckle made him glance up. Arsene was floating there, Kidd on his lap and Akira rolled his eyes.

“Happy now?” he muttered.

Arsene nuzzled Kidd’s neck.

_ “Quite, mon cher.”  _ Arsene said amused.


End file.
